codes and secret longing

by Raised By Swans

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05:03
3.
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5.
03:45
6.
7.
8.
04:03
9.
10.
11.
06:34
12.
13.

credits

released April 11, 2005

raised by swans is eric howden

all music and lyrics written by eric howden
recorded at the house of miracles by andy magoffin
mixed by eric and andy
mastered by andy magoffin
artwork layout/design assistance by jesse buchanan
artwork concept/design by eric howden
inside panel artwork by antranik tchalekian
cover art inspired by and dedicated with great respect to 'grave of the fireflies', written and directed by isao takahata
all songs © eric howden (raised by swans), 2005

performance credits:

eric howden - electric and acoustic guitars, all tracks; lead and harmony vocals, all tracks; bass guitar, all tracks; piano, organs and keyboards, all tracks; iron lung loop, track 09; dial tone, track 12

brady parr - drums

chris donais - additional guitar, tracks 3, 5, 6, 10, 11, 12

for lost friends

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Raised By Swans

Raised by Swans is the musical alias of Canadian solo artist Eric Howden.

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Track Name: a cipher in a foreign sky
dreamt a cipher in a foreign sky
a signal fire
an island bled by thieves and liars

and i know
i'll always miss her so
Track Name: violet light
i don't feel it
i don't feel it anymore
the city drowns itself
heard the sirens from the shore
i won't suffer this
i won't suffer this for you
fields of orchids burn
and left here standing, frozen through
your star
through the scars
through the scars
i'll find your light again

dreaming
it's cheap as apathy
the future atrophies the more i dream
still i crawl inside your grave
for those lost november days
your star
through the scars
through the scars
i'll find your light again
Track Name: there is no escape
memory
uninvited
enemy
uninvited
you
you will deny the traps you fall into
you'll try to hide
the crack in your spine
that tells me you're untrue

and there is no escape
so why keep trying
Track Name: capable of cruelty
my love
what have you done
with all the time i thought i had
come back
don't desert me
a cut from a cataleptic past
you're still the most peculiar one
i was bent on making you believe you were wrong
and baby
you played along
and i couldn't set you free
you had to save yourself
is it too late
lost in some haunted place
where the lights end
i've gone blind here
surrendered all my fear
in your arms again
in your black hole love
your blackmail love

i will not protest
i will not second guess
i will not resist
just like all the rest
Track Name: sandcastles
castle by the ocean
water slow to break you down
i'm here skipping stones
i should have known this love would drown
'cause they'll destroy you before too long
the tides conspire a million strong
but you're holding on
you keep holding on
castle by the ocean
you were sold out
i never learn
fireworks bleed in slow bloom
above the tidepools
the colours blur
and they'll destroy you before too long
the tides conspire a million strong
but you're holding on
you keep holding on

it's the same old ending
it's still a lie
i saw the jetstreams
bruise the sky
Track Name: still inside you
i'm still inside you
your supernova
intravenous
sliding serpentine through miles
of empty hallways
i am always needing something
i'm still inside you
your glowing ocean
phosphorescent
hold me closer as the lights
unfold below us
did you notice i was breathing underwater

dripping down my fingers
slipping through my fingers

i can't say
if i'd only had my way
like a moth inside a flame
all my choices had been made
Track Name: phantom limb /divided by night
she says i dread the line
between the highs and lows
and i know
she'll break her little arms
from following too close
and though she seemed like the type
that believed in her own hype
i couldn't say no
i can't say no
so draw your line now
my angel parasite
call off your love
feel me
where the shellshocked mind begins
your phantom limb
you've taken secret names
not knowing that they're mine
you offered me protection
then chained me at your side
and though it seems like you've cornered me
laying landmines at my feet
i won't let go
i can't let go
no more trust now
you're an accident like me
call off your love
feel me
where the sunlight burns the skin
your phantom limb

nothing is ever enough
Track Name: relentless
your voice hit me so hard
and so fast
and so far i've been drawn in by your eyes
i'm helpless
i'm helpless
and do you feel me too?
i'm fading
and nearly used up
i'm alive inside a lie
you're waiting to be accused of
can you make me a promise
that you'll never promise
if you're careless
you'll swear this moment could be always
and do you feel me too?
i'm fading
and nearly used up
i'm alive inside a lie
i'm waiting to be accused of

relentless
Track Name: imagined life
lately you've been gathering fragments
pictures, anecdotes
all in the hopes
of substance quieting echoes
ghosts who've kissed your hands
then cut your throat
'cause maybe then her love could sleep
in autumn starlight
cold and deep
but still the bombs drop every night
imagined life

honing these questions
like sharpening knives
lined up like x-ray machines in my mind
a man in a room
and a girl in the sky
why can't you just try?

i'll stay silent if you want me to
swear i've never heard of you
no one needs to know
i'm just an apparition who
fatally imagined you
motives of my own
Track Name: the moment that i'll miss
nothing's changing
i'm just rearranging words
trying to convince myself
that this eclipse will shed some sun
it's all wrong
maybe i've been lost too long
so if you don't mind
i'll just stay here a while
in this reckless bliss
it's the moment that i'll miss
and so my broken friend
we'll catch the last the supernova sent
you die within a dream
so desperate to believe it makes you new
but it's not true
maybe there's nothing we can do
so if you don't mind
i'll just stay here a while
in this reckless bliss
it's the moment that i'll miss
Track Name: scent
by the end of the summer
you were so alive
and your essence seductive
as hope before it died
so we fell into winter
what a senseless fall
it was all i could do to feel the cold at all
and your instincts die
all cramped up inside
like barely breathing butterflies
and it split the sky
when her scent was mine
now you lose yourself as time goes by
kept her heartbeat under my thumb
as i drank her in
all the longing smeared like embers
on her skin
thought you'd made an impression
but i pushed your hand away
just another possession
destined to decay
and your instincts die
all cramped up inside
just like barely breathing butterflies
and it split the sky
when her scent was mine
now we lose ourselves as time goes by
Track Name: drag the morning
the more i see the more i cease to be
the more you come the more i come undone
undone
i'm melting on your tongue
and swallowed down
into your underground
so sterilize the instruments
anaesthetize your innocence
a chance to fade the fingerprints
you lose yourself in excess
the more i feel the more i feel unreal
the setting sky the nightmare flashing by
don't stop
this might be all we've got
and in this darkness i'm all the things i'm not

wake up
drag the morning for your love
Track Name: unrequited /stolen lakes
i can imagine you
spreading your wings out in the snow
and as the morphine drips
the scenery shifts
to somewhere i've never known
thinking this could be real
that maybe my dreaming wasn't in vain
but as i approach your side
our words collide
you're fading
you fade away
and it feels
like it's closer every year
and it feels
like all the torture you've survived
on heaven and earth
was contrived
a failure
but still life, or stillbirth
i'm yours to take apart

i can imagine you
spreading your wings out in the snow
and as the morphine drips
you move your lips
the meaning lost in code
and somewhere in the night
your chemicals ignite
you've waited all this time
you've wasted all my time

and it feels
like i'm closer every year